International Newspaper Spoofs August 29, 2008

I’ve been thinking how modern journalism and writing is being dumbed down all the time: thanks to TV, internet and other new media that have decreased our attention span and ability to dig deep into the issues. We are no readers anymore, we’re skimmers and surfers.

Also, increasingly, newspapers sell by packaging violence, crime, sex, rape, pedophilia, incest as news items in a puerile or pandering way.  No doubt tabloids sell far more than ”quality” newspapers. So, even many quality newspapers want to copy tabloids in content or in format- many ”quality” newspapers in UK are actually being sold in a tabloid size and look.

Not all are guilty though. But anyway, I will be merciless and spoof major international newspapers’ names, mostly my inserting the word crime and its variations. The results are often hilarious. See below:

1.) The New York Times from USA=  The New York Crimes.

2.) The Times of London from UK= The Crimes of London.

3.) The Los Angeles Times from USA= The Los Angeles Crimes

4.)  The Christian Science Monitor from USA = The Christian Crime Monitor.

5.) The Globe and Mail from Canada= The Parole and Bail.

6.) The Toronto Star from Canada= The Toronto Crime Star.

7.) The Irish Times from Ireland= The Irish Crimes.

8.) The Financial Times from UK= The Financial Crimes.

9. ) The Wall Street journal from USA = The Wall Street Burner

10.) The Economist from UK= The Arsonist.

11.) The Age from Melbourne, Australia= The Criminal Age.

12.) The Sydney Morning Herald from Australia= The Sydney Mourning Herald.

13.) The Guardian from UK= The Crime Guardian.

14.) The Daily Telegraph from UK= The Daily Polygraph.

And finally some Toasts….

1.) The Washington Post from USA= The Washington Toast.

2.) The New York Post from USA= The New York Toast.

3.) The National Post from Canada= The National Toast.

4.) The Copenhagen Post from Denmark= The Copenhagen Toast.

5.) The Prague Post from Czech Republic= The Prague Toast.

6.) The Jerusalem Post from Israel= The Jerusalem Toast.

Honorable Mention…

I have not put my brain to spoof foreign language papers but may get to it sometime later. Pardon my French but here’s one that I’m working on:

Le Monde from France= Lemonade or Le Blonde.

If you got any ideas please put them in comments section. Feel free to spread the word and take your pick if you want to quote or publish some of the names. Please remember to cite the source as I hold copyright to all the crimes and toasts ( though I just figured that someone is even running a website called Washington Toast!)

Cheers
Rajiv.

Bad news sells: What is so appealing about tragedies and sadness? November 30, 2007

Why all bad news is good news?

 

 

USA: Diabolical government and CIA, Conspiracy theories, illegal immigration from Latinos and Muslims, Neo Imperialism, Freemasons, New World Order, corruption, TERRORISM, racism, poverty, drug trafficking, breaking out of all sorts of illnesses and falling economy.

 

Europe: World Wars, Holocaust, falling birth rates, dying out of White race, moral decadence, loss of values and Christian morals, invasion of immigrants and Muslims, spread of Islam into Europe, crippling social security systems, declining economies, rise of the right wing, xenophobia, rise of anarchy, crime and dictatorships in the Central, Eastern Europe and Russia.

 

Asia, Africa, Arab world and the rest: Huge natural calamities, disasters, death tolls, horrendous corruption, wars, genocide, AIDS, Fundamentalism, Female genital mutilation, Poverty, sex tourism industries for Western people fulfilling their every sexual fantasy including pedophilia, ever looming threats of big scale wars that may erupt any time and maybe engulf the whole world in a Third World War.

 

 

 

I have been trying to find the answer to this question since the time I realized, while reading literature, that the greatest novels considered ”classics” are mostly tragic and sad. Not only that, the authors or artists who happen to have a tragic life or commit suicide often see the sales of their works shoot sky-high, after they’re lowered into the grave. Later while studying media, I realized that anything newsworthy must be ominous. If you have some interest in literature then you may not have necessarily read but would have heard about the great Greek tragedies, Shakespearean tragedies etc.

 

 

The writers who have written extensively end up writing their ”masterpieces” that are tragic. Charles Dickens’ greatest novels are not the likes of Pickwick Papers but David Copperfield. Shakespeare’s tragedies far outweigh the critical praise and popularity of his comedies. Here are two quotes to consider about human love affair with sadness or the romance of sorrow (Despite the ever resounding slogans urging people, ”Hey! You should laugh lots and you should stay happy man!” and ”Don’t worry be happy”):

 

 

 

“For the Great Gaels of Ireland

Are the men that God made mad,

For all their wars are merry

And all their songs are sad.”

From Ballad of the White Horse by G.K. Chesterton.

 

 

And here is the second one

”Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.”

By English poet P.B. Shelley

So…? What’s the idea? Is it a great international conspiracy (or hypocrisy) to urge everyone to be happy but at the same time to be in love with sorrow, secretly?

Something about The New York Times November 26, 2007

In one little sentence, The New York Times is great.**CLICK HERE TO VISIT THEIR GREAT WEBSITE)** But of course it is often bitterly (from ”conservatives”) and sometimes idealistically (Noam Chomsky, Gore Vidal, Columbia Journalism Review) criticized for its coverage. Of course I do not worship New York Times as I used to as a teenager. It certainly is a business wanting to make money and has a political agenda that usually serves liberal and Democratic party interests. But like any humongous entity it is bound to have cracks, errors, corruption, scandals etc. But it has survived and stood tall.

 

My real introduction to New York Times was in 1999 when I got internet for the first time. I had always heard about it but never had laid an eye on it. (Fact: To this day I have never held the original paper copy of NYT in my hands as even the best libraries in New Zealand, both public and academic, do not subscribe to NYT in paper form) But internet access changed it. At the age of 19 it completely satisfied my extreme lust for international affairs, American issues, intellectual stimulation and good writing. I remember, my dial up connection used to be pitifully slow and it cost me for the time I was online. So I used to cheat. I discovered that by making little tweaks in the URL address of news stories I can open all articles for printers, which means all text and no graphics or ads. So, everyday I would quickly download several articles, save them, disconnect internet and read them at my own leisure.



Then I came to New Zealand to study media in 2002. I was introduced to Noam Chomsky and many other resources. New York Times was not the infallible broadsheet it once was. I did not read it all that much. In 2005 I was so incensed with ”TIMES SELECT” (the subscription only sections), I completely stopped reading NYT. I think I even shot a couple of angry emails to NYT. The most annoying bit was, I would get links to NYT stories in Google news and My Yahoo, click on them and be asked to subscribe to TIMES SELECT before I could read! But TIMES SELECT was a flop. It displeased readers, alienated them and the NYT writers. Moreover, many Bloggers would just copy paste articles and make them available to the world for free.



So, in September 2007 NYT decided to scrap TIMES SELECT. I’ve had lots of free time for the last one week and compulsively started reading on the web only then I got to know about the death of TIMES SELECT. And boy am I happy… I have been surfing the delightful maze of a Website of NYT with passion and pleasure. I don’t read it just for News and Politics but also for great writing. The sections on science and technology and especially books and writers are just super awesome. The New York Times is here to stay.



I just read this article from Michele Malkin’s website, CLICK TO READ> ”New York Times hits new 5-year low”. It is almost laughable when ”conservative” writers feel compelled to condemn almost everything they fear as ”liberal media”. I have been visiting lots of conservative blogs and they all religiously drub NYT as the part of their ”conservative” intellectual underpinning. As for the dropped sales, I believe it might be the result of NYT stand on War in Iraq and people’s displeasure with it, TIMES SELECT, rise of internet news services. But it is comforting to know that NYT has not turned into a crowd pleaser like Fox News and various other ”Conservative” media and writers. But here is just one question: Where else do these people suggest we should go? Washington Times? or New York Post? DO YOU HEAR SOMETHING? This is the sound of my skin crawling and my brain screaming.


And what is a NYT 5 year low anyway? Let’s say Michele Malkin’s readership and credibility trebled in the same period. So what would it be now? Up from 0.00000001% to 0.0001% of the total readers ? She sure has benefited from The New York Times’ temporarily declining readership.

The Australian Elections and Howard’s End November 24, 2007

The news is in and has become history (CLICK FOR BBC NEWS LINK). The Australian Prime Minister John Howard (of Conservative Party) ends his 11 year old rule and concedes defeat to Kevin Rudd (of Labour Party). John Howard was a very shrewd politician who made the most of September 11 terrorist attacks in America and the consequent war on terrorism like many other international politicians.

 

 

Kevin Rudd on the other hand is a bit of a geek who has always been more into policy making than politics. Though as The New York Times reminds he added some frills to his ”dry” image when on a tour of New York in 2003, he made a pilgrimage to a strip club. Not only that- would you believe it?- Kevin Rudd can also speak fluent Mandarin (Chinese). In fact he impressed everyone by addressing the Chinese President Hu Jintao in September, in Chinese. I mean read this headline in red:

 

”The New Australian Prime Minister speaks Chinese”

Sounds impressive huh?

 

 

Something on the Corporate Media and stale reportage:

Here I digress, I leave you with a brain teaser. Not long ago, The New York Times bought International Herald Tribune which is published from Paris for international readership. More often than not, their international coverage is same, I mean word for word. But wait. Not always. The report on Australian elections was written by their journalist, Tim Johnston. Though the write up is same, I presume, the newspaper copy writers were clever enough to shuffle the paragraphs and make it seem like these were two differently written works. That’s cheap journalism, in my opinion. Decide for yourself. I am giving you Links to both stories which are essentially the same….

 

 

New York Times, ”Bush Ally Defeated in Australia”

 

 

International Herald Tribune, ”Australian oust Howard after 4 terms”